Living Life One Day At A Time

I’m a very blessed man. In too many ways to mention here. But I’ll mention 4 of those blessings that we commemorate today.

One, I am grateful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Without my Heavenly Father I would be nothing. He pursued me, never gave up on me and saved me. Even when I tried to run from Him as far as I could. I am humbled to call Him my God, and my Father.

Two, I am grateful for my own father. The way he balanced his ministry plus a full time lay position plus being a father and provider is beyond me. He gave and continues to give Godly advice and day to day advice that I always need to hear. He invests in Benjamin in such a great way. He taught me there is always a way. No matter how hard the project in front of you, there is always a way.

Three, I am grateful for my Uncle Leroy. He has such a heart for God. He invests in his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. He invests in Benjamin as if he was his own son. He invests in me as if I was his own son. He is a great example of what it means to consistently provide for his family and faithfully serve His God and his church.

Four, I am grateful for my Uncle Henry. Now, he may not be my flesh and blood uncle, but he was a second father to me growing up. I have many fond memories of spending 2 weeks at his house every summer. I learned about poison ivy, gooseberry pie, rhubarb pie, spinach pie, dirt clod fights and stitches all at his house. He also was a Godly father who loved his family and still loves them and invests in them.

It’s not many that can say they have one good father. I am blessed to say I have 3 men in my life that I have all learned from and continue to learn from. And I have Christ, my Heavenly Father to provide for me; protect me and correct me.

I truly am a blessed son. In so many ways. While I am sure none of the 3 men I mentioned will read this, it’s with a grateful heart I write this out tonight.

Happy Father’s Day!

“Winning isn’t everything, It’s the only thing”

“Winning builds character”

“Losing builds character”

“You win some, you lose some”

“2nd place is 1st loser”

So many sports quotes with all kinds of mixed messages.

One of the hardest things for me to endure, is to watch little man lose. Or fail. Or fall. He works so hard. He practices so much. He pushes himself so much. So when he loses or doesn’t do well, my heart hurts for him.

And yet, he needs to lose. He needs to fail. He needs to fall. That’s the way he learns. Learns to win. Learns to lose. Learns to succeed. Learns to fail. Learns to get up. Learns to fall.

All of those things will happen.

My job as his parent is to help him navigate the ups and downs of life. Of sports. Of school. Of his summer. And anything else that fills him with pride or despair.

And with that in mind I’m here if he needs me.

With football over his full attention is on CSNA and WNL. That doesn’t mean there won’t be any stumbles along the way. There will more than likely be opportunities for me to invest in him.

As his dad, I need to walk softly by him, encourage him, and be there for him. No matter what. That’s my goal and God’s purpose for me.

Yes, you saw that right. I love winter.

Why you ask?

1. Sweaters
2. Hoodies
3. The above 2 are my favorite pieces of clothing to wear. Too hot to wear them in the summer.
4. Snow
5. Snow
6. Snow

Another reason I like winter is snow. There’s no denying that snow is beautiful. It’s another aspect of God’s creation that He has given us to enjoy. The way the sun shines brightly off of it during the day. The way it lights up the night when there is no sun. The way it frames everyday things and makes them look better. Snow is just beautiful.

But, more than that, winter is necessary. Winter takes a part in ensuring trees grow back stronger and fuller. Winter takes a part in ensuring flowers come back stronger with more blooms. Winter takes part in ensuring there’s not so many insects the plants and flowers can’t survive. Winter is necessary.

Do I enjoy every part of winter? Nope. I don’t like the ice. Although an icicle on a tree or the side of a home is pretty. I don’t like pipes breaking due to the cold. I don’t like the heat going out in a house in the dead of winter. I don’t like that sometimes it separates us from our friends and family for periods of time due to road and weather conditions.

So, while winter is not always fun; winter is always necessary. And parts of it can be enjoyable.

It’s a little like life. There’s times we go through a life period of winter. Things get difficult. We feel alone. We feel separated. We feel … “cold”.

When those moments happen, we can lean on God; and remember that He has a plan. We can trust that His plan is best. It may be to help us grow stronger. It may be to draw us closer to Him. It may be to allow us to encourage someone else. Be a blessing to others. Or many more reasons. We may never know His reason. But we can always trust in Him and His plan.

He loves us and is drawing us to Him.

If you find yourself in a winter time of your life hold fast! God WILL bring you through.

Kind of an odd picture I know. Happened a few weeks ago. If you know me, I am most definitely a routine person. One of my “routines” while at work is getting the mail from our Post Office Box at the Mall’s “Post Office.” Sun, Rain, Snow, I typically go check regardless.

This particular day it looked like it might rain so I took my umbrella with me. Good thing I did. About 30 steps down the sidewalk and it started raining. Funny thing is the sun stayed out. So, I got rained on, while the sun was shining. If you look behind me, you can see the sun shining on the sidewalk/road. It is always funny to me when it is raining while the sun is shining.

Of course, that got me to thinking. The picture above, in some ways, resembles our Christian Walk. It can seem like things are going great; when all of a sudden, the storms hit; the rains begin to pour; and we are caught outside, where we did not intend to be. However, the good news is that, during those storms, God always gives us moments that cheer us up; moments that lift our Spirits; moments that remind us of God’s love for us. The sunshine moments in our life if you will. Along with that, he also offers protection(umbrella) so we don’t get the brunt of the storm. So, the wind doesn’t completely wipe us out. We experience enough of the storm to know that God is using it to change our lives, change our outlook, etc. But not enough that it completely wipes us out. What a blessing and an encouragement to know that he watches over us, during those storms of life, to remind us that He is still in control. No matter what is going on in our lives.

The above screen shot is from an event a week or so ago. A dealership I use occasionally has a great service. You drop off your car; they shuttle you to work. When your car is ready, they bring it to you. One of them drives your car, and the other drives a car to bring the driver back. Make sense? Well, they have this cool feature. You can click on the link they send, and you can track them to know when they are almost to you. That way you can walk outside the minute they are pulling in with your car.

Well, the map above has 3 points of interests. One is the location of the dealership. Two is the location of me. Three is the car that shows not to be anywhere close. As I am “tracking” them on my phone, I notice they are getting farther and farther away. As a matter of fact, it appears that they are headed to Centerton. I text the driver to tell them they are headed the wrong way. No response. Finally, the “car” on the map stops, turns around, then starts headed back towards where I work. 30 minutes later, they finally arrive.

When I talked to the driver, she told me she knew they were going the wrong way, but she didn’t have the cell phone of the other driver and hence couldn’t tell him he was headed in the wrong direction.

Once again, that got me to thinking. Isn’t that just like God? We are headed a certain direction, that isn’t God’s plan, and He is saying, “no … you are making the wrong decision! Stop what you are doing! Come back to Me! Follow me, and the right plan will be enacted.” But we don’t listen. If we could step back and look at our situation, we might see what He sees. We might see where we are headed, and we would turn back. But we choose to ignore Him and His warning.

So … in conclusion, when those storms of life hit you, remember that you WILL get through them; remember God DOES have your best interest at heart; and remember to listen to Him. He WILL give you the right direction, if you just quiet down and listen to Him.

That’s it …. short this time around … can’t believe it has been over 7 months since I last blogged.

Hopefully it won’t be as long of a gap the next time around.

Happy Anniversary to me!

Yep … it’s been exactly 5 years today that I was diagnosed with cancer.

What a 5 yr roller coaster this has been.

5 years ago today:

1. Had a such a severe pain in my side I had to leave work
2. My wife was out of town for a girl’s birthday wknd, so it was just little man and me
3. The pain got progressively worse
4. By the time Benjamin was in bed and fast asleep I couldn’t stand the pain anymore
5. I called my mom and dad
6. Mom came to stay with Benjamin and Dad drove me to the emergency room
7. Not appendicitis
8. Not gall bladdar
9. Not kidney stones
10. It’s a diaphramatic hernia
11. Oh and by the way … we found cancer on your liver and your pancreas
12. And by the way … this type of cancer has an average life expectancy of 5 yrs(I asked)

Wow … talk about a shocker. Read this https://brentfleshman.com/2019/03/06/get-me-out-of-here/ to get all the details.

Since then?

1. Found out it was neuroendocrine cancer
2. A treatable form of cancer
3. Not curable; but treatable
4. Had quarterly CT scans for the 5 years since

Things I still wonder about:

1. Why me?
2. Why heart disease, a valve failure and cancer?
3. Why after so many years of being healthy? Not even getting colds? No flu since I was 13?
4. Why did the physician doing my biopsy cry? Because he knew it was cancer and I was 50? Because he knew it wasn’t pancreatic cancer and was grateful? Because he knew me(because I didn’t know him)? Because he was having a bad day?
5. Why did the place I went to first, the oncologist I went to first, and the “leading center” on my form of cancer all point me in the direction of Sandostatin? Which slowed the tumor growth down, but didn’t stop it. Plus, it turned my hair white. All of it. White. Look at previous blogs for proof of that.
6. Why did it take 3 years for me to get a different oncologist? Why did it take 3 years for me to have a different procedure that would stop the tumor growth in my liver? Why did it take 3 years for an oncologist to suggest a newer medication for the tumor growth on my pancreas?
7. Why did the insurance deny my surgeon doing the Y-90 procedure 2 years ago?
8. Why did the surgeon call my insurance company himself to get it approved?

I had the blessing today to speak with my oncologist. We reviewed my latest CT scan from last week. Once again … as has been the news for the last 2 years … no growth in any of the tumors on my liver or on my pancreas. Him and I had a small celebration for the 5 year anniversary.

There is not really a reason for this blog. I have no theme. I have no purpose. I have no direction to point you in. I have no questions to make you think.

I just have this:

1. I am grateful to God for all He has brought me through
2. Cancerous tumors are not “guaranteed” not to grow
3. Cancer could pop up in my body at any time
4. I have lost good friends and coworkers this past year to cancer
5. It isn’t a respecter of persons
6. I know that each day is a gift and not to be taken lightly
7. I know that I need to ensure that I firmly plant Godly memories in Benjamin’s mind as he grows into a young man
8. I know that I need to be the best person that God would want me to be. Especially when it is a struggle
9. I know that God has placed people in my life who have impacted me and continue to impact me. Phone calls; texts; verbal conversations; hugs; etc. All of them reminding me of what God has done, and that He is the reason to live.

I hope you enjoy your week. I hope you follow God and serve Him faithfully this week. I hope you thank Him for all He has done and continues to do.

God willing, 5 years from now, I will be blogging about my 10 year anniversary.

I realized lately it has been over a year since I did any blogging. Not that anything hasn’t happened in the last year. Isn’t it amazing how life comes at you fast, steals your time away, exhausts you, and suddenly you find yourself asking, “Where did the time go?”

If you already know me, you know that little things can irritate me. So, when my fingernails started breaking apart a few months ago, it frustrated me to say the least.

Come to find out, the weak and broken nails are a side effect of the new medication I have been taking for about a year. Over time, my nails have grown weaker and weaker to the point that they break extremely easy, get snagged on everything and are not useful for anything at all. I didn’t realize how much I used them to do simple things like open a box, open an energy drink, coke, etc. Even something as simple as putting my hand in my pocket for keys/wallet/etc can be a pain and break off part of my nail.

But, before I get to my point about whining about my nails, let me catch you up on my health.

A year and a half ago, my previous oncologist stopped practicing here in town and I needed to find a new oncologist. Through the advice and referral of Jim Bradford, a man who has been a constant source of Godly wisdom, I went to Dr. Beck at Highland’s Oncology. It was there that I heard of a medicine called Everilomus. It is a drug used primarily for transplant patients. However, it has shown some success with Neuroendocrine Cancer. I also found out I was a candidate for a procedure called Y-90. This is a procedure that implants glass vials of radiation directly on the liver tumors. The radiation then goes right to the tumor and shrinks it, or at least keeps it from growing any more than it already has.

November of 2021 and January of 2022 I had two different Y-90 procedures on my liver. This procedure can be repeated as needed over time. However, this procedure is not able to be done on the tumor on my pancreas. That is where the Everilomus comes into play. The hope is that it will keep the tumor on my pancreas from increasing in size.

In the last year and a half, none of the 3 tumors on my liver and pancreas have grown. In contrast, the two on my liver have slightly shrunk over time.

4 years ago this past week I was diagnosed with Neuroendocrine Cancer. By God’s grace, 4 years later, I am still able to do all the things I want to do and spend time with the family/friends God has given me. I don’t know what God’s plan is for me. However, I do know that each day is a gift from Him. I do know that these last 4 years have been a gift from Him. I do know that I can trust Him with whatever the future holds. I do know that whatever happens, it will always be for His best.

Back to the fingernails. Does it frustrate me? To no end. Every day. Every time I try and do something with my hands.

However, if that is part of what I have to deal with along my cancer journey, then I will TAKE it! In the big picture of life, broken nails are not that big of a deal.

In life, there will be things that frustrate us, take away our joy, depress us, etc. There will be days that seem like they will never end. It’s during those times that we need to remind ourselves that what God has given us already is far greater than what we are going through right now. What God will give us eternally is far greater than what we are going through right now. With that in mind, I will do my best to accept my broken nails and thank God continuously for all He continues to do.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

Tonight we attended our Candlelight Christmas Eve Service. We sang Christmas songs, heard the Christmas Story read from the Bible, heard a devotion from our Pastor and enjoyed worshiping God for the birth of His Son.

Now look; having grown up in a Pastor’s home, I have read, heard, watched, etc the “Christmas Story” thousands of time … if you want I can read it/tell it to you upside down, right side up, from the left, from the right, etc. Suffice it to say … I KNOW the Christmas Story.

When Matthew 1:20 was read, the phrase “do not fear” struck a chord and a thought arose in my mind … as God always does no matter how many times His Word is read. I always hear something new I hadn’t thought of before.

Matthew 1:20

²⁰ But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.

Luke 1:13

¹³ But the angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer has been heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall call his name John.

Luke 1:30

³⁰ And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.

Luke 2:10

¹⁰ And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.

Now, I searched how many times this phrase, or type of phrase, occurs in the Bible. I got a plethora of answers. However, I can safely say, it occurs around a 100 times throughout scripture.

I can’t tell you about every single mention of that phrase in God’s Word and what it means. However, I can tell you what struck me tonight about the four passages above.

Everyone time, the Angel said “Do not be afraid” something big was getting ready to happen. Some event was going to take place. There was going to be a chance that the person receiving the message could be afraid. I couldn’t help but think of my own life over the last 4 years:

1. Heart valve replacement at age 49
2. Emergency diaphragmatic hernia surgery at age 51
3. Diagnosis of Neuroendocrine Cancer at age 51

When I think of my health, what the future might or might not bring, I can hear His Angel say: “Do Not be Afraid.”

Then I thought of other challenges in life:

1. Financial challenges
2. Marital challenges
3. Child challenges
4. Parental challenges
5. Career challenges
6. I didn’t list yours? Then fill in the blank with what yours might be …
7. __________________ challenges

When you think of those challenges, what the future might or might not bring, listen to His Angel say: “Do Not Be Afraid.”

Isaiah 41:10

¹⁰ fear not, for I am with you;
    be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I don’t know where you are in your life currently. I don’t know what fear or fears you may be facing. I don’t know what unknowns you are struggling with at this moment. I don’t know what challenges and adversity you are going through right now.

However; I CAN tell you this … God, Jesus, His Angel, God’s Word all say … DO NOT BE AFRAID. God is in control. God will carry us through. God will provide. God will heal relationships. God will provide finances, careers, etc. God WILL keep us from being afraid.

We must simply trust him and “Do Not Be Afraid” …

Merry Christmas!

That’s all I want to know. Good, bad, indifferent, just tell me what’s next. What’s next tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, etc. Just tell me what’s next. If you have read any of my blogs, you know this is a repeat topic. If you have listened to me talk for longer than 5 minutes, you know this is a repeat topic. I am a planner. I like to plan everything. And I mean everything. So, one of my many struggles is letting God be in control. Putting my faith and trust in God. Knowing that He has a plan and that plan will be executed and will be perfect.

For me, every day is a lesson to trust in God. I am thankful that God never gives up on me. My daily hope and prayer is that God will continue to take control and never allow me to decide what I think is best. Because I know, with my sin nature, my plan will never be the right one.

Isaiah 12:2

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense ; he has become my salvation.”

Isaiah 26:4

“Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal.”

Psalm 20:7

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.”

Romans 8:28

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

God, please let me trust and follow you daily …

Life update:

About 3 months ago, my current oncologist abruptly quit practicing. Still don’t know where he went or what happened. Through a referral, I found a new one quickly. He recommended a new procedure. It’s called Y-90 procedure. It takes miniature beads of glass filled with radiation and places them directly on the tumor. Ideally, this procedure keeps the tumor from growing ever again. If it does start growing again, the process can be repeated. I had my first procedure on the tumor on the right side of my liver today. In about 4-6 weeks, I will have a second procedure on the tumor on the left side of my liver. Once both of those procedures are complete, then I will start a new treatment on the tumor on my pancreas. As always, God is in control and I trust in Him for the results. I am thankful for Him and His leadership in my life.

Heroes

Who are my heroes? That’s Easy!

Captain America … Ironman … Thor … Black Panther …

wait, what? Oh!

Denzel Washington … Harrison Ford … Sean Connery … Sandra Bullock …

wait, what? Oh!

Roger Staubach … Tony Dorsett … Drew Pearson … Troy Aikman … Emmitt Smith …

wait, what? Oh!

Ronald Reagan … George H. Bush … George W. Bush …

wait, what? Oh!

My Mom!

My mom is what I call a prayer warrior. I grew up waking in the morning to her praying over her Bible reading. I know for a fact that she consistently prays at night, in the morning and throughout the day. If it wasn’t for the consistent and persistent prayer of my mom, there’s no way I would still be alive today. Her prayers brought me through so much as I grew from a child into an adult. Even today, I know that my mom consistently and persistently prays for me. Both mom and dad consistently invest in our little man. They watch him, love him, pray for him, teach him, lead him and enjoy him.

My Dad!

My dad is what I would call a preacher never afraid of sharing his opinion or giving his advice. I am so thankful for that. Even as a 52 year old son, I still find myself asking him for advice. And if I don’t ask for his advice, he’ll tell me anyway … Lol. He is very quick to share with me what he would do in certain situations. He has been overwhelmingly loyal to me throughout my life, no matter how many times I tried to mess it up.

My Uncle Leroy and Aunt Sally!

As we have renewed our relationship with them over the last 4 years, they have been nothing but a blessing! The way they invest in our little man. The way they invest in us. The way they are always quick to send a note, card, text or all 3 at every single special moment in our lives and in the life of little man. As Uncle Leroy recently told me, “this is just what family does for family”. What an example, what a testimony. He gets up at 4:30 in the morning just to pray for me as I head to my doctors’ appointment. Aunt Sally always has a cheerful heart; a loving text and a encouraging message for me and for my family. What a blessing these two have been to us.

My only hope and prayer is that maybe; just maybe I can be a hero to my family the way God has blessed me with so many heroes in my life. God has blessed us all with Heroes … it’s our responsibility to be heroes to those God brings across our paths. Notice I didn’t say perfect … I just said heroes.

Ultimately, Jesus Christ is my highest and best Hero! He is my Savior; He is my Counselor; He is my Forgiver; He is my Friend; He is my God.

Be a Hero to Someone Today!

Life Update:

I was blessed enough to get an appointment at MDAnderson Neuroendocrine Cancer Center in Houston, TX after a year an a half of effort. Dr. Yao, the specialist there, told me to keep taking the same medication I am taking, Sutent, until the point it is no longer effective. It was a blessing to hear from an “expert” that I am on the right medical path for me currently. As long as the medication continues to shrink and/or stall the tumors, as it has thus far, we won’t make any changes. At the point Sutent proves to be no longer effective, then he would recommend other therapies that are available.

Ultimately, as always, God is in control. He has His plan. I am grateful for all He has given me and continues to give me. My responsiblity is to live for Him. My hope and prayer is that I am able to do that on a consistent and persistent basis.

Can you tell Consistent and Persistent has been on my mind today???

Enjoy your week!

I am a 52 year old man and one of the many things that has never happened is … I have never owned a house. What??? Are you kidding me??? Nope … I have never owned a house. All that changed a few weeks ago.

If you know me, once I get a thought in my head, things advance rapidly … sometimes too rapidly.

The process began with me just thinking it might be a good idea to start praying about buying a house. I told Arlyn, “let’s start praying and thinking about buying a house next year.”

That led to me looking through Zillow at homes; then deciding to look for a mortgage company just for fun; then deciding to find a realtor just for fun; then we found ourselves looking at houses.

We went from buying one “in a year” to actively looking immediately. I would find one in our “financial range” that matched our desires, then send it to our realtor. I am not sure about your market, but in our market, homes are being sold within 24-48 hours. It is crazy how fast they are moving. It is most definitely a sellers market currently.

We bid on 3 different houses and didn’t get a single one. We bid on a 4th house and God gave us our first home as a family. It is a little nerve wracking; we have already had our first plumbing “leak”; I still have to remind myself that I can no longer call our landlord; and it will take awhile to get used too. However, I am grateful to God that He opened this exact house in our price range, met our “requirements”, and gave Benjamin a little blessing as well(play set left in the backyard by the previous homeowners).

When things have been up and down this past year; when different struggles have happened over the past 4 years; when life as been as it has over the last 20+ years; when days like today can be challenging; it’s a blessing to remember that God has already given me so much more than I deserve and so much more than I could have ever expected.

God does answer dreams. God does provide blessings. God does go above and beyond in all.

A very short message to remind myself that God is always in control and that God will bless you when you least expect it.

Thank you Lord for being so good to me!

P.S. When you’re ready to buy a home, use Jeffrey.Long@churchillmortgage.com for your mortgage. If you live in NWA, use realtor.terrichadd@gmail.com as your Realtor. Both of them made the purchase seamless, painless and enjoyable!

Let’s start out by making a long story short.

House catches on fire Sunday night and again Monday morning. Good news is no one was in the house both times and everyone is safe. The house won’t be liveable for several months. There is a lot of smoke damage. But all collectibles, photos, memorabilia, irreplaceable things and most of our furniture are all okay. The insurance company has us in a motel until we decide whether to move back into our old house once it’s able to be lived in again or to find a new place to live. That decision will determine whether or not we live in temporary housing for a few months.

That ☝🏻is the “big thing”

Now let’s talk about the little things.

1. Insurance company has us in a hotel Sunday night.

2. Jim Daniel, the Bowers, the Pastor, etc arrive within 60 minutes of the fire happening to help, be a blessing, encouragement, etc.

3. Anonymous person gives us a Walmart gift card

4. Benjamin’s teacher gives us a restaurant gift card

5. Parents, the Pastor, Jim, Luke all pitch in and help second day as well.

6. Landlord doesn’t charge us April’s rent and gives us plenty of time to get everything out of the house.

7. Hotel gives Benjamin a bag of gifts, bottled juices and a card.

8. Hotel offers free breakfast daily and free dinner Monday through Wednesday.

9. A friend of Arlyn’s drops off new toys, books, and stuffed animals for Benjamin.

10. Texts, phone calls, messages, emails of encouragement and prayer these last 3 days.

11. Parents and Johnson’s offer garage as storage.

12. So far we’re able to get the smoke out of most our clothes. Thank you Mrs. Lawrence for the “Simply Green” suggestion.

That’s ☝🏻 the little things.

Or do I have things mixed up?

Yes, I most definitely have things mixed up.

God uses the small things to share with us the big things. The small thing for us is the fire. It could have been so much worse. It was just a few hours ordeal. The big thing is the outpouring of encouragement from all of you. And that’s gone on for 3 days now. Much longer than the fire.

Isn’t it amazing how God brings things into our lives to remind us of how blessed we are, how much He loves us, and how our friends, loved ones and relatives encourage us.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you! My prayer is one day I may be a blessing to you all as you have been a blessing to us.

Have a safe, healthy and blessed week!

Today God reminded me I need to be a Steady Eddie. What is a Steady Eddie? Well, there’s several different meanings, synonyms, etc out there. For this blog, I’m going to say it means to be easy going; not rattled easily; accepts conflict and hurdles easily; etc. It’s someone who doesn’t get overly excited and it’s someone who doesn’t get overly angry. Across the board of emotions and actions they stay “steady”.

Today I had my quarterly visit with my oncologist. The results from this CT scan were not what I was hoping for. This time around it appears my main tumor has grown by about the size of a grain of rice. Three months ago my CT scan showed that my tumor had shrunk by about the same amount.

Now, I’m fully aware that there is no cure for neuroendocrine cancer. It’s a slower growing cancer. Slower growing than most other forms of cancer. The medication I’m currently taking just helps to slow down the tumor growth. Unless God intervenes(which I believe He can), there is no cure.

However when you hear the word “shrink” when discussing a tumor, you can’t help but get excited and a little optimistic. It must mean God is going to miraculously heal me right?

Then to hear the news today was slightly disheartening. “I thought God was going to cure me”. “I thought the tumors would continue to shrink”. I thought my life expectancy would continue to be lengthened by leaps and bounds”. Those are all thoughts that ran through my head.

Then God reminded me today of what a good friend of mine, who has walked down this path I’m on, said to me after the last CT scan. When it showed the tumor had shrunk. He said, “that’s great news. But don’t get caught up in the highs and lows of every result. Trust God, stay positive, and fight any way you can. There’s going to be highs. And there’s going to be lows. Put your faith and hope in God and rely on Him.”

Now, I understand why he said that. Now I understand that I need to continue to trust God no matter the test results. God has a plan. I’m His vessel. I need to live for Him and be a “Steady Eddie”.

We just got back from vacation this past week. We had the pleasure of going to Tennessee where I rode parts of the Natchez Trace Parkway from Nashville to Natchez, MS. I rode through Tennessee, Alabama and Mississippi. When you’re on a bike ride by yourself for any length of time, you have plenty of time for random thoughts. Below are some(if I gave you every thought you’d be reading a never ending blog. My mind never stops. At all. I’m a watered down version of Monk. If you don’t know too what I’m referring to then you’re too young and I’ll pray for you.) of those thoughts:

• I can’t tell you how many men I saw out working in their yards to make their yards look fantastic. Now there’s nothing wrong with a great looking yard. I know yard work along w sports are common topics of men. “Who did your lawn? What kind of weed killer do you use? Your yard looks fantastic! Etc.”
• I couldn’t help but wonder why we as Christian men don’t do that? “Can’t help but notice the great relationship you have with your son. What’s your secret? How do you handle your spousal disagreements? What process do you have for daily devotions?” Etc.
• Maybe we should spend more of our conversations around God and His Word and less about our lawns and sports.

• I had this brilliant idea to ride 50-87 miles daily to ride the entire 440 mile length of the parkway. The problem was I haven’t ridden back to back days since last summer. I haven’t ridden that many miles per day since last summer. I did no training to speak of for preparation. Needless to say, I ended up doing only 175 miles of the parkway. No matter how strong my mind was my flesh was too weak.
• We must have a consistent walk with God through prayer and time spent in His word. We must surround ourselves with Godly men and women at all times. We never know when a time of “faith testing” or “faith stretching” will happen. If we aren’t “training” for our Christian walk through life we will fall apart during those difficult times.

• The other reason I didn’t ride as many daily miles is that it provided more time with my family. When your 4 yr old asks you why you’re going bike riding and not spending time with him and mommy, your heart wilts and you give in immediately. I’ll take time with him and mommy anytime over bike riding. Not even a discussion.
• Why did it take a “life event” for me to realize how precious I should take time spent with my wife and my son? When I stand before God and give account of what I’ve done or haven’t done, what’s going to matter? That I rode 440 miles in 6 days? Or that I spent every minute I could with my family? We need to be intentional with family time. That should always be a priority before anything we “like to do”. The family God has given us should always be a priority.

• The scenery along the way was beautiful and at times breathtaking. It was such a good reminder of the blessing of God’s creation that He’s allowing us to enjoy.
• Each morning we wake up, we should look outside at the sunrise, listen to the birds, breathe in the air and thank God for the blessing of His creation that He’s given us.

Life update:

I had my first injection 3 weeks ago. There was a few side effects for the first couple of days but nothing real serious. They told me those side effects will go away as my body adjusts to having the injections. I’ll be taking the injections monthly. My next CT Scan is next month. I’ll have them every other month to monitor the growth of the tumor. In the last two months it’s grown 1 cm. Now that I’m taking the injections monthly the thought process is the growth will start slowing down. It continues to be in God’s hands. Please pray with us that His name will be glorified and His will accomplished as we continue to walk down the path He has for us.

Have a great rest of your week!

Brent

With all that’s gone on this past year and a half and especially these last two months this site may become more of a life update. I’ll try to post here monthly to update my condition. Most importantly though, I still want this to be a blessing and a challenge to someone.

I don’t do “public” easy. I’m the introvert. My career requires me to speak to people all day long. However, once I’m “off the clock” I don’t speak to those around me much at all. That’s one of my many weaknesses. I come across as arrogant unintentionally. The fact of the matter is I don’t like to talk about myself. I’d much rather talk about you. However with any type of relationship, friendship, acquaintance, etc. there has to be two way communication. So, along with many other things I’m learning, being more public with what’s going on is one of the biggest.

Another big learning topic for me is control and trust. In my career, I’m responsible for everything that happens. I lead, control, make the final decision, help the people I work with grow and get promoted or reach their goals. Too often I want to bring that self management to my life. I want to control my life. I’m responsible for the choices I make, so I want God to bless the decisions I make. I want God to bless my plans. I want God to give me what I want, basically. When you get to the bottom of the matter, I’m telling God I know better so go ahead and give me control. I just want to make sure God blesses me along the way. I’ll be sure and give Him the glory. Because at the end of the day He is a much better decision maker … as long as those decisions meet my expectations.

Yes, I’ve got a long way to go to be the Christian God wants me to be. It’s an ongoing process and sometimes more of a struggle than a process. Just being honest.

So … here’s where I am:

Heart valve replacement surgery at age 48

Diaphragmatic hernia surgery at age 50

Diagnosed with Neuroendocrine Cancer at age 50

And there’s nothing about that I can control.

This last Sunday night our church met to hear our Pastors’ vision(given by God) for our church for 2019 and beyond. One of the songs sung by the choir was an arrangement of “He Leadeth Me”. I’d love to share the arrangement they sang but it was a choir arrangement and thus copyrighted. Our best bet is that someone will say something to Bro. Jim and he’ll have the choir sing it on a Sunday morning. Hint hint hint …

God used that song to speak to me in a powerful way.

Through tears during the song He reminded me of this:

He’s in control

I can trust in Him

He knows better

He has a plan

He’ll use me if I’ll let Him

I need to let Him lead

I need to follow Him as He leads

Here’s the update I promised at the beginning:

I had a CT scan today. This will be a regular occurrence every 3 months. These scans will monitor the growth to ensure the injections are working.

On Tuesday, April 16th I have my first injection. From there on it’s a monitoring phase.

How can you pray?

Pray that God’s will is done no matter what that will may be. I mean that completely.

Pray that if it’s God’s will that the injections will be effective at slowing down the growth of the cancer.

Pray that God will use my walk through this as a testimony and encouragement in some form or fashion.

Most importantly pray for Arlyn as she walks through this with me and Benjamin as he grows. At some point I’ll need to have “that conversation” with him. I’ll need God to show me when and how.

Enjoy your weekend.

You’ll learn the reason for the title later on in this blog.  My first thought was to use the word “cancer” but that was too much of a “shock” word and really isn’t the topic of this blog.  The topic of this blog is once again another example of God working in my life unbeknownst to me.  If you’re tired of those topics from me, you better skip this one as well.  As a matter of fact, if you haven’t noticed, my blogs all sound the same and all have the same theme.  I’m not much of a writer.  Just a guy who seems to go through the same challenges.  Probably for the same reason … that being that God knows I need help in the same area(s) of life.  That is always trusting Him.

On Friday, February 22, 2019 I started experiencing severe abdominal pain.  Like nothing I have ever felt before.  Arlyn was having a girls weekend trip to St. Louis(don’t I have great timing).  I tried eating, not eating, sleeping in every position available, not sleeping, sitting, whatever, to get the pain to stop.  Finally, about 11:10 p.m. I called my dad, asked him and mom to come out so mom could watch Benjamin and dad could take me to the ER.  Not ideal for many reasons, but this was unusual pain and I wanted it stopped.  After an entire night of tests and CT scans, it was determined I had a diaphragmatic hernia(the terms you learn in the hospital.  Even my phone has now memorized that phrase(among others)).  My colon had worked a big part of itself up into my chest cavity and was pressing itself against my diaphragm.  Needless to say Saturday morning, I had emergency surgery that lasted 3 hours.  While the two doctors that worked on me told me it was a very difficult surgery, it was successful.  They were able to put a piece of synthetic tissue back in my diaphragmatic wall so I will never have that problem again.  Oh … and by the way … one of the doctors on call that weekend who helped in the surgery just “happened” to be the same doctor who performed my heart valve surgery.  “Lucky”, huh??  I call it God.  I came home Thursday(more on that later) and hope to slowly get back to work tomorrow.

So, why the word “cancer” mentioned?  Glad you asked.  That CT scan they took early Saturday morning?  It also revealed that I have spots on my pancreas and my liver.  They did a biopsy the Monday after my surgery and determined it was cancer.  However; it is the slowest moving cancer type there is.  It is called Neuroendocrine Cancer(another new term my phone now knows).  As my two doctors mentioned along with the cancer dr I spoke with, “if there is a good cancer to have, this is it.”  It moves very slow and is very treatable.  As a matter of fact, a procedure was developed about 5 years ago specifically for this type of cancer.  So, what’s the next step?  Glad you asked.  I go to the doctor for a complete followup and more training as to this type of cancer.  Then about every 10-12 weeks, they will run a series of tests to monitor the growth.  The growth rate will dictate the treatment.  The most important question I wanted to know was life time frame.  With typical pancreatic or liver cancer it can be days/weeks/months.  With this type, we are talking in multiple decades.  A large percentage of patients with this type caught this early on live 15-20-30 years.

Don’t we serve an amazing God?  A year and a half ago, a bump on my head led to the discovery of a failing heart valve.  A year and a half later, a diaphragmatic hernia led to the discovery of cancer.  Without this CT scan, who knows when the cancer would have been found. It humbles me over and over how much He oversees every step of our lives.  How dare I(we) try to control our lives ourselves.

All I can say is I’m so blessed by God to have what I have; to have been where I have been; and to be saved by such a gentle, loving God.  I have no idea what God has in store for me over the rest of my life;  I really don’t.  But it doesn’t matter.  I’m going to just keep doing my best to serve Him, trust Him, speak His name and share God’s provision with those I have that chance.

Oh … and the title?  I was supposed to be released Wednesday night.  The doctor told me that.  Her nurse told me that.  I was unhooked by everything and ready to go.  But somehow the release orders fell out and they had to keep me there one more night.  I wasn’t happy.  Don’t tell me I can go, then come back and tell me there’s no paperwork reflecting that.  I ended up spending one more night(no use fighting the system).  The next morning I had doctors and nurses all apologizing to me for their error.  I left at 8:30 a.m.  I have no idea why I couldn’t go home.   God never revealed the reason to me.  However, He has dictated every step of my life.  Maybe He needed to teach me patience.  I wanted out of there.  But, if God has other plans, I need to be patient and wait on His timing.  I probably won’t ever know the reason.  God doesn’t ever promise us the reasons he enacts things in our lives.  He doesn’t have an obligation to us.  He loves us and has given us so much.  We just need to TRUST HIS WORD and TRUST HIS LEADING.

I don’t know what you’re going through.  I don’t have to know what you’re going through.  All I can tell you is He knows exactly what you’re going through, and He will take you through it.  All the Way.  Step by Step. His hand in Yours.  We have nothing to fear.  He is an amazing God.

Enjoy your week!

One year ago today I was wheeled into the operating room for heart valve replacement surgery. It was a occasion in my life that I wasn’t prepared to face and yet with God’s strength He pulled me through. It was a shock and definitely a time of turmoil. Especially for my wife and parents. As I looked out our window this morning at the rain I couldn’t help but compare it to a year ago. It was a downpour of events for which we were not prepared.

And yet, even during that time of turmoil I felt calm. I felt the Lord’s presence. I felt the prayers of my family and friends. I felt the love of God from those who visited.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23:1-6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

http://bible.com/59/psa.23.1-6.esv

As a family we are currently memorizing Psalm 23. We quote it each night before we pray over dinner. As Benjamin learns the verses and we learn and say them with him, I’m reminded again that without Christ I am nothing. I cannot go through this life without Him. I cannot survive the storms of life without Him. He is my everything and I must live my life exemplifying that He is my everything. My family and those with whom I come into contact with must know that He’s my everything.

I woke up this morning with the intention of celebrating my anniversary by going on a long bike ride. Since it rained I couldn’t ride and had more time to reflect. Reflect on where God has brought me from. Reflect on where’s He’s leading me. Reflect on how my life should reflect His expectation of me.

I have no idea what you’re going through or what you have been through or what you will go through. But please don’t miss the powerful message in a very familiar passage that God Is For Us. All He asks is that we follow and trust Him.

A couple of years ago, I had the fun experience of a week long bike ride. You can read about it here.

I had plans to go back again last summer and had to cancel due to us moving unexpectedly.  That was part of God looking out for my health, which you can read about here and here.

I’ve signed up for another week long bike ride in June of this year. I’m really looking forward to spending a week on my bike visiting places I’ve never seen before and meeting other bikers that I have never met before.  Up until two weeks ago, I hadn’t been on a bike for more than 30 minutes since Thanksgiving(24 mile ride).  Two weeks ago, I rode my bike outdoors for two days in a row. On Monday, I rode 30 miles and on Tuesday, I rode 46 miles. It was the first time in over a year that I rode back to back days. The rest of the week I spent about two hours daily on the bike trainer.

It was a good week. It felt good to be back on my bike for that long of a time period.  Training has to be in full session now that I’m only about 6 weeks out from participating on that ride.

I also have started a new Bible Study.  Now, I already read 3 different “daily devotionals” each morning. But those are all very brief and a lot of times read over breakfast while Little Man is watching a little TV.  Not something that is continuously life changing.  At one time, I was always doing some sort of study, but I have gotten away from doing that.  I have missed spending that 30 minutes of Bible Study time either using a book or going through a passage of Scripture.

So … along with being back in the saddle concerning my bike; I’m also back in the saddle concerning having a personal time of Bible Study that is more than a 5 minute window each day.  I personally, need more than that to keep my walk with God where He wants it.

How about you?  Have you gotten lax on a time of Bible reading, study, prayer, etc?  Is there something you used to do in your service to God, that you have slowed down in doing?

If so … time to get back in the saddle …

Have a great week!

This is what I’ve learned as a 48-year-old man in the last 4-6 weeks:

1. I have(had) a bad aortic valve
2. I have a deviated left septum
3. I have a hernia in my left diaphragm
4. I have mild coronary heart disease

Here’s what I knew about myself up to 4-6 weeks ago:

1. I’m in decent shape for my age
2. I bike ride between 20-50 miles weekly
3. I don’t smoke
4. I don’t drink
5. I don’t drink carbonated beverages, I love and drink a lot of water, 80 ounces daily
6. I don’t get sick.
7. I take a lot of vitamins daily … religiously
8. I don’t take any medications
9. I get colds 3 times yearly
10. I don’t get the flu

The question, I keep asking myself is … “how could this happen to me?”  The question I kept getting asked by all of the nurses that assisted me this past week was … “why are you here?”.  I eat right, I exercise, I walk a lot, I drink a lot of water, etc, etc, etc.

So, what did happen? I don’t have an answer.  My doctors don’t have an answer. All they can tell me is over time my valve has gone bad and my arteries are slightly clogged.  I wasn’t born with a bad valve. Over time, one of my leaflets has simply gone bad. Since I’m in decent shape, the doctor told me I would have never had the normal “signs” consistent with a bad valve. I would simply be on my bike, or just walking, driving, etc and my valve would fail and I would immediately go into cardiac arrest. With no one around to assist me, it was a very real possibility that I would have died.  Those are not things I want to hear as a 48-year-old male. The fact that I would be just “rolling along” in my “regular life” and would drop down into immediate cardiac arrest is not something that I would ever want to happen.

I recounted in my last blog how God orchestrated everything so there was never a doubt as to Him being in control and how thankful I am that He is God and that He Controls my life. So, I’m just going to go right to my application

We can be great Christians in our own eyes. We can attend church, sing in the choir, lead a life group, be an usher, be a greeter, be a deacon, be on staff, etc and our heart can be just as far away from God as the guy who is saved, but is running from God and doesn’t spend 5 seconds in a church.

It’s time for me to quit considering myself a “good Christian” and just start serving God. It’s time for me to quit comparing myself to others; time for me to quit being content with my Christian walk; time for me to draw myself closer DAILY to God.  Time for me to quit going through life thinking everything is “okay” and start determining DAILY what God wants from me.  Time for me to quit thinking how others should think of me, and start thinking more of others, regardless how they think of me.  It’s time I recognized that I am a sinner just like everyone else around me. The only difference is that I have God’s Grace in my life. I should be sharing that Grace DAILY for God.

If I don’t do the above, and just a live a life of “christian assumption” then at some point in my life, Satan will bring temptation along the way and I will fall hook, line and sinker into “Spiritual Cardiac Arrest.”  As Christians, we will be used by God or used by Satan. We always have a testimony. We are always a witness. It is up to us what that witness looks like to those around us.

I had no idea how many physical problems I have and it could have taken my life. I took it all for granted. I won’t make that mistake again. Any day that God gives me is precious to me.

I do know the spiritual challenges I have and it can take my life and the lives of those I love. It’s time for me to replace/repair the valve of my heart spiritually and live a life for God and God alone.

How’s your valve?

How’s your heart?

Matthew 6:21(NIV)

21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Proverbs 3:5(NIV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

Proverbs 4:23(NIV)

23 Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.

Psalm 73:26(NIV)

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Yes, that’s the title of this blog. I apologize upfront for the title, but I think after you’ve read through this particular blog, you’ll understand the reason behind the title. Let’s start off with some verses:

Remember the former things long past, for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is no one like Me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things which have not been done, saying, ‘My purpose will be established, and I will accomplish all My good pleasure’; calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of My purpose from a far country. Truly I have spoken; truly I will bring it to pass. I have planned it, surely I will do it” (Isaiah 46:9-11).

The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart from generation to generation (Psalm 33:11).

“This is the plan devised against the whole earth; and this is the hand that is stretched out against all the nations. For the Lord of hosts has planned, and who can frustrate it? And as for His stretched-out hand, who can turn it back?” (Isaiah 14:26-27).

I’ve told you many times before throughout these blogs that I prefer to be in control. I want God’s blessing on my life, but I want Him to follow my plan and bless my plan. Every now and then, He has to remind me through different avenues that He is ALWAYS in control and I must TRUST HIM.

One of those cases is my current life … let me explain …

3 Months ago, our landlord sells our home and we have to move.  Because of that, I have to cancel my week long bike ride.  Obviously I was disappointed. At the same time, Arlyn came to me and felt God wanted her to go back Full Time. We prayed about it; agreed; and she started FT at Mercy.  With Mercy, the insurance options were much better than most, so we switched to her insurance.

2 Months ago, I got this “wart” on the top of my head. Concerned it might be Skin Cancer, I went to the doctor to get a dermatologist referral. When the nurse took my vitals she asked me if anyone had ever told me I have a “heart murmur.”  Of course, I consider myself in decent shape and never go to the doctor. So, the quick answer was … “no”.  She referred me to a Cardiologist who ran a series of tests on me over these last several weeks.

After all of the tests, the cardiologist, the surgeon, and my primary doctor all agree my valve is not in good condition at all and needs to be replaced.  REALLY? AT MY AGE? Where did that come from?  Apparently, I’ve had it over a long period of time. However, because I’m in good shape, it’s never manifested itself the way most defective valves would manifest themselves.

Consequently, on Wednesday, August 9th, I’m having Valve Replacement Surgery. Crazy huh???

If I look back over the last 3-4 months, I can see God’s Hand at work through every single circumstance.  He orchestrated the cancelling of the bike ride(Would my heart have failed if I went?); He orchestrated impressing upon Arlyn the desire to go back FT so we got better insurance coverage; He orchestrated the “wart” so the nurse heard my heart murmur; He ensured the nurse actually checked my vitals and didn’t disregard the heart murmur.

If I would have been in complete control, I would have never known about any of this. Needless to say, God proved to me ONCE AGAIN that HE is ALWAYS in control and HE ALWAYS has a PLAN. I just need to TRUST HIM.

The only advice I can give … is ALWAYS TRUST GOD … NO MATTER WHAT!

Oh … and the “wart” that might be skin cancer??? Turns out it was an “inflamed wart” and not skin cancer and was easily removed …

Isn’t Our God an Amazing God?

Have a great weekend and remember to TRUST HIM!