With all that’s gone on this past year and a half and especially these last two months this site may become more of a life update. I’ll try to post here monthly to update my condition. Most importantly though, I still want this to be a blessing and a challenge to someone.
I don’t do “public” easy. I’m the introvert. My career requires me to speak to people all day long. However, once I’m “off the clock” I don’t speak to those around me much at all. That’s one of my many weaknesses. I come across as arrogant unintentionally. The fact of the matter is I don’t like to talk about myself. I’d much rather talk about you. However with any type of relationship, friendship, acquaintance, etc. there has to be two way communication. So, along with many other things I’m learning, being more public with what’s going on is one of the biggest.
Another big learning topic for me is control and trust. In my career, I’m responsible for everything that happens. I lead, control, make the final decision, help the people I work with grow and get promoted or reach their goals. Too often I want to bring that self management to my life. I want to control my life. I’m responsible for the choices I make, so I want God to bless the decisions I make. I want God to bless my plans. I want God to give me what I want, basically. When you get to the bottom of the matter, I’m telling God I know better so go ahead and give me control. I just want to make sure God blesses me along the way. I’ll be sure and give Him the glory. Because at the end of the day He is a much better decision maker … as long as those decisions meet my expectations.
Yes, I’ve got a long way to go to be the Christian God wants me to be. It’s an ongoing process and sometimes more of a struggle than a process. Just being honest.
So … here’s where I am:
Heart valve replacement surgery at age 48
Diaphragmatic hernia surgery at age 50
Diagnosed with Neuroendocrine Cancer at age 50
And there’s nothing about that I can control.
This last Sunday night our church met to hear our Pastors’ vision(given by God) for our church for 2019 and beyond. One of the songs sung by the choir was an arrangement of “He Leadeth Me”. I’d love to share the arrangement they sang but it was a choir arrangement and thus copyrighted. Our best bet is that someone will say something to Bro. Jim and he’ll have the choir sing it on a Sunday morning. Hint hint hint …
God used that song to speak to me in a powerful way.
Through tears during the song He reminded me of this:
He’s in control
I can trust in Him
He knows better
He has a plan
He’ll use me if I’ll let Him
I need to let Him lead
I need to follow Him as He leads
Here’s the update I promised at the beginning:
I had a CT scan today. This will be a regular occurrence every 3 months. These scans will monitor the growth to ensure the injections are working.
On Tuesday, April 16th I have my first injection. From there on it’s a monitoring phase.
How can you pray?
Pray that God’s will is done no matter what that will may be. I mean that completely.
Pray that if it’s God’s will that the injections will be effective at slowing down the growth of the cancer.
Pray that God will use my walk through this as a testimony and encouragement in some form or fashion.
Most importantly pray for Arlyn as she walks through this with me and Benjamin as he grows. At some point I’ll need to have “that conversation” with him. I’ll need God to show me when and how.
Enjoy your weekend.